Cat Tales
Seriously Wounded: The Supporting Staff Strikes Back
     A few days ago I had a scuffle with Rats. It was nothing unusual, just one of the regular bouts over territory except for one thing: my right eye was scratched. Quickly, yet with dignity, I retreated. As soon as my supporting staff saw my defeat, it rebelled. At first it started screaming, some teased me ("Poor kitty"), others complained ("Not again") and others spoke outright against me ("Let's neuter that bloody cat, his visits to the vet are costing hundreds"). Then it refused to let me out and at last after I pointedly began howling down the stairwell two of the big humans descended upon me and began poking at my eye with a paper towel, I protested, but they ignored me. At last I broke free, ran away and hid.
      The next morning I emerged from hiding. No one seemed to be paying me more attention than usual... little did I know. Around 1 o'clock I was grabbed firmly and shoved into a plastic container, which I had come to know and dread. Surely they weren't going to take me to Darth Vet with my wound so he could shove stainless steel needles into me? In fact they were.
       Kicking and screeching I was dragged out of my cage by Darth Vet. I tried to bite him but he pinned me firmly down on the operating table. The humans conversed over my head, talking too fast for me too understand.
       "So woss ze problem?"
       "Aye seenk he haz an i infecshon."
       Darth Vet jerked my head around a few times.
       "Yor rite. Here 'r' sum drops. Give it to-im zree ti-ms aday. Watch how to do zis."
       My head was pulled upwards and my brow raised. A drop of something cold hit my eye.
       "Meeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooow!!!" I wailed.
       Luckily it was over and my life returned to normal, except I still wasn't allowed outside and there was a daily session of three drops in my eye. 

Seriously Wounded: Return of the Cat Eye

       Nevertheless my eye healed. When my supporting staff saw this they became humble once again and I was let out at last.
       All the other cats had by this time split up my territory and there was the hard task of getting it back in front of me.
       I started with kicking out the minor enterpreneurs who had been waiting for years to seize my land and were now going to hold it with their lives. I hinted darkly to them that in fact I agreed that territory is worth dying for and I happen to be a bit bigger, that is to say there's probably no difference in size at all on the galactic scale (atom through universe) but in fact on the cat scale, and you'll laugh at this, I'm quite a bit bigger, ha, ha. Usually this argument worked well.
         Next I faced the tougher cats, who owned quite large territories and who could stand for themselves, I'm one of them too but I was fighting for my land and anyway they had their own territories and mine was just an optional extra.
       At last came Rats' turn. Now Rats owns several blocks and is an excellent fighter, he loses on a basis of once in fifty fights. Luckily, Rats wasn't there so I just marked as much of his territory as I could and ran off home.

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